When Jessica felt the first prickling jab of pain from her spine and back, she brushed it aside. With quiet confidence in her physical strength, she told herself that it was the labor getting to her. It’ll go away, she told herself. It’s probably nothing.

Her long-coveted American dream had just begun. And she was willing to work through everything to attain it. What Jessica didn’t know at the time was the years of excruciating pain that awaited here in her new life in Los Angeles, California. 

Jessica Lee was born in Seoul, South Korea, in the ‘70s, still war-ridden, but right on the cusp of the country’s industrial growth. Her family was typical — her mother and father running a vegetable and meat-cutting business on the streets. As the third middle child, she had four siblings.

Jessica moved to Buenos Aires, Argentina, from Seoul, South Korea, at the age of 17 — pushing forward through every hardship that life threw at her. She learned castellano, Argentine Spanish. She and her siblings dragged their sore, aching bodies to work sewing machines, some overtime to provide for their aging parents. “After immigrating [to Argentina], life became much harder. Our whole life turned upside down. We went abroad because we admired it, but it did not fit us at all.” She said, recounting how everyone had referred to her family as “dollar boxes.”

Even then, her Christian faith continued to guide her like the warmest light through her darkest times. When her father was hospitalized with pneumonia and sepsis, she witnessed his miraculous recovery; his once-decaying organs had become brand-new overnight to the doctors and technicians’ immense disbelief. This only strengthened her faith and her refusal to give up on her life’s possibilities. 

As her family planned to move to Los Angeles, California, she was the first to move in, find a new job, apartment and the right living conditions for her disabled parents. 

As her work continued, the pain radiating throughout her back and spine became unbearable. Jessica decided to take a few worry-filled steps toward diagnosis. The daunting American healthcare system significantly differed from Argentine and South Korean hospital systems, and the language barrier deterred her from seeking help.

Days when she felt too sick to work slowly became common. “One day I was in a lot of pain, and I had already been hurting for a while. Then one day I suddenly got really, really sick, so I went to a hospital here. I even got injections at a spinal clinic, but the pain didn’t go away at all,” Jessica said.

But after a particular visit, she felt like her world had come to a stop. 

“[The] doctor told me that I wouldn’t be able to go out or move, and that I might have to stay in bed for the next few years,” she said. Jessica said that this exacerbated her emotional issues, leading to depression. The cost of spinal treatment at the time, $2,000 a month, was too much to afford. All she could do was endure the pain despite her depleted energy. 

With her incomplete treatment, Jessica took a wary break from employment. She assumed that it would be a few months before she was back on her feet. As the years passed, however, Jessica felt herself worsen throughout the quarantine period the COVID-19 pandemic ushered in. 

On a scorching summer day at the beginning of the pandemic, her father developed a severe prostate infection. Her father’s howls of pain filled the air as she and her sisters rushed him to the emergency room. Desperation filled her as she helped hoist him into her arms, shaking his paralyzed body up and down to relieve him of the pains. His entire weight of 130 pounds came crashing down on her, her spine and back receiving the brunt.

From that day on, the pain was more excruciating than ever.

“The pain was like nothing I had ever felt before. If doctors asked me to rate it from 1 to 10, it was not even 10 — it was beyond 10.” Her weight sharply decreased to 38 kilograms, continuing to develop unexplained issues that prevented her from properly eating.

Her perseverance fell as her pessimism grew. The feeling of responsibility that she was instilled into since her youth was the only thing keeping her from vocalizing her state to her family and friends. In a way, she felt trapped in the trait she was proud of.

“I just kept suffering. When I lie down, I hurt. When I turn, I hurt. It felt like thousands of needles inside my body. At some point, the pain became so extreme I couldn’t even speak — just ‘ah…,’” she said.

“I even thought, ‘How can a person live like this?’ and ‘Can a human body hurt this much?’” she said.

“I even thought, ‘How can a person live like this?’ and ‘Can a human body hurt this much?’”

For years, she suffered alone in silence, her family members barely aware of her sickness. The pain clouding her mind deterred her from clearly speaking about her symptoms, her thoughts and soon her feelings. 

She didn’t know it’d turn out like this. She thought she could handle it just as she had handled everything else. “At first, I wasn’t really depressed. I just thought, ‘I have to handle this.’ I didn’t express it outwardly. I just carried it inside me. Even when I went to work, I never complained when I came home. I just endured it.” said Jessica.

As her illness tested her limits, once again, she turned to face God she knew could help her. “I believe Jesus saved me even now. I know God is alive. I even saw my father being healed through that light — his sepsis disappeared overnight. So I believe life is precious. Even when I suffer, I believe it is something I must endure with God,” she said.

Through her belief in the guidance of her faith, she started to loosen the grasp the built-up hurt, isolation, fear and depression had on her life. God offered her relief, healing and peace. 

Although not completely healed, Jessica, feeling better than before, spoke on one important aspect of her daily life.

“Whenever I had heavy, pessimistic thoughts, I realized those thoughts actually anguished me more. So at some point, I tried to change my heart… I tried to live in a different way, to focus on peace, forgiveness and thankfulness in my daily life,” she said.

“Whenever I had heavy, pessimistic thoughts, I realized those thoughts actually anguished me more. So at some point, I tried to change my heart… I tried to live in a different way, to focus on peace, forgiveness and thankfulness”